1. Hold the grip tight.
Is your child your friend?
Parenting is not an easy task, neither is it hard. It is the joy of every parent to see a child grow happy no matter the situation. To achieve this, parents should make children their friends. So, here, we are dealing with two questions.
1. How do you know your child is your friend?
A child is your friend if he/she;
a. Misses you.
This child wants to eat with you, sleep with you, take a walk or a ride with you, play with you, who can't eat or sleep before you arrive. This child is always smiling when you are around. You have a big task when you want to leave the compound or when you leave them after dropping them in school. You have to 'buy your way out with lots of promises which still, have to be kept.
b. Expresses himself/herself without fear.
If a child expresses thoughts and opinions to you directly without sending someone on his/ her behalf, they truly love you. For example seeking approval of what he/she learns in school, church, and from peers as well as seeking assistance for personal provision. A child who fears the father will send the mother or a sibling to take a message. He/ she dares not to be near the father at all costs. If not coming to you is not dictated by culture, then there is something wrong.
c. Obeys you.
This kind of child does any task you give without complaint or delay. He or she is even proud to tell you he has accomplished it and even requests more. He/she is not afraid to even request a postponement if the situation allows. A keen eye should be applied here in order to differentiate between the exhibition of fear and respect.
d. Challenges you.
If a child reminds you of your failed promises or tells you of your unfair treatment to him or her, you mean a lot. It means he/ she doesn't hate you yet. Take the opportunity to bring him/her closer before rebellion sets in.
e. Reads your moods.
A child who is concerned about you will be quick to notice any change in mood. They will even go ahead to ask you why you are dull or sad. He or she contracts the mood too.
f.Takes a punishment positively.
If a child is able to maintain a relationship with you even after an unpleasant punishment, it is okay. Better still, is when he/ she can even promise not to get into the mistake again. If he/ she confesses to the peers and warns them on the same, it means he/ she has learned.
2. How do you make that child your friend?
a. Give him or her time.
Children need time with their parents. A parent who is close to children develops a strong bond with them. Working parents have a minimum time with kids leaving them with babysitters for long. As a working parent, create time however little it may be. Observe them, talk with them, crack a joke or two. This helps in creating a bond. Let them know you work in order to provide for them so that as they grow, they learn to appreciate your effort s and not take them for negligence. Being with them gives you a chance to correct any misbehavior that may have developed in your absence.
Ask questions and seek their opinions. Ask what they learned in school, church, etc. Ask what they want to be in the future. Let them give opinions on meals, clothing, etc. This way, you build confidence in them, you teach them how to communicate and you get to catch astray ones bringing them back to track.
c. Set a good example.
A child will obey you if you always do what you want them to do. For example, If you disobey your spouse disagreeing and quarreling more often, there is less likely that the child will be obedient to you or any other person. If you like leaving tasks halfway or delegating them without any substantial reasons, your child will follow suit. Do your things well and the child will be at ease.
d. Take their challenge without rebuke.
There is no harm in apologizing for a failed promise. Always remember to make affordable ones. If a child feels offended take time to look at things from their perspective so that you are able to explain why you did things the way you did. Do not rebuke harshly because if a child becomes a rebel, you are doomed.
e.Explain your mood. (Consider age.)
In case of a bad mood, tell them anything that can allay their fears. Your moods should not take you away from them. Rather express your need for personal time and space.
f. Treat all children equally.
Never be biased. Don't use gender, education, intelligence, or any other difference to favor a child. Once they realize it, it creates animosity difficult to be reversed. Learn to accommodate your child's weaknesses.
g. Punish there and then.
Action should be corrected Immediately it is noticed. Correct all your children the same way. Make them see and understand the mistake. Once you close that chapter, stop mentioning it days and months after. Doing so makes the child lose self-esteem, and drift away from you. Don't call your child names when he does a mistake.
h.let them know who you are.
Guide the children to understand and appreciate who you are and what you can afford. This will make them not strain you with demands beyond your capability. Teach them not to look down on themselves, if rich, teach them not to be proud. Do all you can to teach them that life changes.
i. Never turn them against your partner.
No matter the differences you have, leave children alone. They are good observers and with time they will know which side to take. If you lure them your way then they discover you were the one in the wrong, you lose them completely. Their environment should be neutral. If they come your way, you have won.
Remember making your child your friend is not limited to provision alone. Also, be careful not to pamper in the process. Don't Allow electronics to occupy the position of our children. the best as you bring up your child.